13th June 2015 Some random thoughts

I’m feeling better than two months ago. Yes I still think about him and shed a tear or two sometimes. I’m sure it’s only natural. After all, he was my first love. We lost contact for two months. I emailed him several times. He didn’t reply. I begged. I apologized. I tested the water. I even threw an angry letter in his face (not literally), but no single word from him. I guess that was it. Now I know I’ve tried every humanly possible ways I could. I couldn’t be more pathetic and disgraced. I was a caring, loving, and devoted wife. I’ve done more than enough.

I saw my friend two weeks ago. Her advocate father’s in family law. I need to get this done quickly. The faster this is done, the faster I can move on.

I’ve been going out with my girls regularly. I’m working out. I keep myself busy at work. I’m taking more projects and more responsibility at work. I’ve started going out with colleagues. I’ve started enjoying work. The numb is fading away, slowly, but it’s fading away. The pain is too.

I miss the dog. She has such an adorable face. She turned one year old a few days ago. Happy 1st Birthday, baby! She’s all grown-up now. The other day, I followed a lot of french bulldogs pages on Instagram. That reminded me of her. I’m getting a baby girl frenchie myself next year. Oh guess what? I’m moving out of my parents’ next January.

I visualize myself at night. I visualize myself in a future. In a future where I’m most happy. In a future where I fall in love again. In a love I will fall head over heels with someone else. Someone else that I haven’t met yet. That someone loving me, caring me, and not giving me up. I deserve better. That’s all I ever wanted. A loving and caring life partner who doesn’t just give up and can’t live without me in their life. I can see myself there. It’s coming, but I need to get this mess cleaned up first.

If you ask me two months ago, if I still want him no matter what, I’d answer 200%. If you ask me now, well… I don’t know… I still love him and want him, yes, but that loving feeling is based upon the once-discovered bliss. It doesn’t reflect with the reasons why I left Colombia. It doesn’t count the times he hurt me physically and emotionally. It doesn’t involve the reasons why he lied, hid things from me, couldn’t explain, and dismissed the primary relationship and favored the rest. it doesn’t realize with what happened. It doesn’t include why he just quit me and gave up on the marriage, without a word, without a try.

I guess it will all be better with time. I’m saving up. I have plans. First, to move out. Second, to travel. Third, get my Masters degree. After all, I’m not the only one with this worldly problem. My starter marriage lasted 6 months. The good news is I’m a different woman now. I’ve grown more. Know about things more. I’ve been to Colombia. I’ve fallen in love. I’ve had a heartbreak. I’ve learned a lot. He and I didn’t have a child and shared property. So that’s good.

It’s raining here a lot. Myanmar is going to be Champion on 28th SEA games. Dollar rates and gold are skyrocketing. All is good. Life goes on.

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